Issue link: http://lawtonfirst.uberflip.com/i/1263026
13 spring/summer 2020 he had sent my stepsons to be with his relatives. I knew this was the moment I had been trying to avoid for years. We had been to counselors and mental health specialists, to no avail. Our safety was now my priority. We were taking a silver, run-down van we had purchased to shuttle football boys back and forth from practice. I wasn't taking anything much. There wasn't time. I packed a small suitcase that contained essentials for an infant, my son's clothes, a couple of books they loved, and a pair of pajamas for me. I buckled my boys into their car seats. I stared at my house. There were the yellow petunias I had planted with care and the football sign in our yard. I thought about our friends and the children's friends coming by with nobody there to greet them. A tiny voice from the backseat snapped me back into my new reality. Harlan: "Mommy? What about my school?" Me: "Yes, there will be a new one." Harlan: "Mom, my friends, my bed, and my team." Me: "We will have to find new ones, honey." Harlan: "What about my family?" Me: "I know." I felt the weight of his little world crumbling because mine was too. In my frustration and pain, this was one of those moments. I had to put all of my pain aside to comfort him. I didn't have the words. I prayed for those words to come. Placing my arms on his tiny little frame, I asked him, "What do you see in this car?" He said, "Your Bible, my baby brother, my momma, and me. I said, "Then we have all we need!" Through a car breakdown, a good emotional breakdown, and being homeless, I had nothing left. I cried out to God in this moment of grief and sadness. "I don't know how to do this alone. I need you. I'm broken, God. I'm so hurt." It was work–hard work. Piece by piece, God began restoring all that I had lost. I gained back so much more, but the surrender is necessary. I hadn't surrendered all of my pain. I was working long, hard hours, and walking to and from my job. Then, one day I came home and my father was sitting with the boys. He said, "I know you're trying. I miss you." I looked at him puzzled. "You miss me? I'm right here!" He put his head down. "No. You. The person you were intended to be. The little girl that had fearlessness and joy. I miss you." It hit me. I hadn't been that person for a long time. I surrendered that sorrow and fear. My heavenly Father spoke to me through my earthly Father. He missed me. I had put other things before Him, and He missed the person He intended me to be. He wanted me to be healed by His love and grace alone. My earthly father simply wanted to be able to say, "Hey, guys! Watch my girl go!" Fast Forward with Faith. Seven years later, our lives are unrecognizable. God restores. I am married to a wonderful man, Reverend Brandon Manley. I have added a daughter to this family. The boys have grown into young men and found God as well. God uses broken vessels to sail the most beautiful messages of hope, courage, and love. So, go on. Love God fearlessly. When life gets difficult, look up and spread your arms. I can say without a doubt that your Heavenly Father is loving you through it and saying, "Watch my girl go!"■ Tiana Manley resides in Cache, Oklahoma, with her beautiful family. Her husband is Reverend Brandon Manley. Their beautiful blended family includes Harlan, 11, Grayson, 7, Kamber, 2, and a dog named DeeDee. They live on property of the ministry that saved her husband's life. They have dedicated their lives to Sonrise Adult and Teen Challenge. Tiana writes, "The men at Sonrise Adult and Teen Challenge have shown me more purpose than I ever could have imagined. They grow my heart daily for not only our Savior, but the perseverance of seeking what is righteous and grows His Kingdom. We have a circle of friends that, over the years, have become family. Life wouldn't be what it is without every single one of them. We faithfully attend LFA, where we were married and call home. Our journey has been beautifully interwoven in these Godly places, full of brothers and sisters in Christ. Our journeys are stories of brokenness, struggle, and God's faithful love, grace and mercy. We are grateful and ever-changing to conform to the people God has called us to be. God has truly pulled us out of the depths of despair from divorce, being a single mom, addiction, literal death, abuse, and the in-between of the wickedness of the world. I take comfort now, knowing God was there with us through it all. We endured to have purpose – purpose of being relatable to others in this to be bearers of God's glory. I dedicate this to my family at Sonrise Adult and Teen Challenge, and the family of LFA. All glory to God, and with every ounce of my being I love you. Thank you for the intricate roles you've all played in our family."