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16 spring/summer 2020 Sandra Fehring N ever give up hope. It's difficult when you are in a battle, but you must persevere. Hebrews 6:19-20 (NIV) says, "We have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has become the high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." As Christians, our hope isn't just floating somewhere out in the atmosphere; our HOPE enters heaven where Jesus is. Hope was and is my firm foundation when things in my life can be a bit unstable. I'm not saying that I have never felt hopeless, because I sure have. I have had some dark days. Some of my darkest days happened on a seven-year journey – estrangement – from our son. It was difficult when another birthday, another holiday, another family get-together went by and he was still not here with us. C h o i c e s . G o o d o r b a d , t h e y a f f e c t e v e r y o n e . For me, there is nothing that causes me more stress and worries than when things in my family are out of God's divine order. The longing a mother has for her children runs deep; the desire to be closely connected with them never ends, no matter what the situation or how far they may go. A mother loves hard, and she loves passionately and deeply. Praying for a child who has chosen to separate himself from family has been one of the most difficult things I have experienced. The ache in my heart has overwhelmed me at times. Waiting for him to return to our family was excruciatingly painful. The only way to endure this kind of pain is to cling to, trust in, and hold tight to our Lord, Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of our story. I couldn't possibly be the only parent going through something like this, I would tell myself, but I still felt very alone during this long, seven-year session of praying and waiting and hoping and trusting and crying and YELLING at God for not moving and answering my prayers quickly! "Why aren't you answering my prayers? What have I done to deserve this? Am I going to live the rest of my life with the absence of my child?" The only answer I got for all of my questions was silence. Have you ever been there? Silence can be deafening when you are desperate to hear from God. On the other hand, the enemy was right there during those very dark days, whispering the most painful, ugly, hurtful, and scary words to me. Those thoughts were words formed like, "You'll never see him again. You deserve this! You're a horrible mother. He will die and you will never know it." Those hate-filled words took my breath away and would leave me emotionally drained, so I took matters into my own hands and tried to reconcile the relationship myself. T i m i n g i s e v e r y t h i n g . Without going into a lot of details, I'm sure you can imagine just how well that turned out for me – not well at all, and I don't advise you to try that. I stopped pursuing that relationship, as difficult as that decision was, and with all that was within me, I began to pursue Jesus on my son's behalf. You see, I have one son, and I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life without him. I love the story of the prodigal son coming home (Luke 15). I would find myself daydreaming about the day my son would come home. I would imagine running towards him, hugging and kissing him and saying, "Welcome home; we have missed you so very much!" I began to search the word of God on family and restoration because if it were going to be restored, God would have to be the one to do it. My first stop was in Joel 2:25 (NLT) which states, "The Lord says, 'I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts,… and the cutting locust.'" Also, Genesis 50:20 (NIV) says, "You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." I would repeat these verses over and over throughout my day. They would bring me short-term comfort, but I was desperate for long-term comfort – the kind that takes no effort and is an instant fix to the situation. Nobody likes to feel pain, no matter what kind it is. I desperately wanted to spring forward to the finish line of this season. Have you ever been there? I wanted to bypass all the pain and long days and just win the victory. All I was focused on was having my son back; little did I know God was working on me. God had to prepare this mother's heart for the reunion. "Why did my heart need to be prepared?" I wondered. Thus, my journey of perseverance began. The definition of perseverance is persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) says, "We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." God wanted me to trust Him fully. It was time to grow Hope in the Lord Will Renew Your Strength I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you. ~ Ephesians 1:18